As an ADHD mom and business owner, I understand the struggle to keep all the balls in the air while finding a balance between building an empire and being a good mom. Having ADHD, executive functioning, and memory challenges play a role in keeping tasks organized in my business, keeping the house clean, being responsible for five people’s schedules, and, you know, feeding all of us a healthy meal. As a mom, I found that sensory issues with my kids would slowly increase anxiety. All four of my kids are neurodivergent, which means there is an added layer of IEP meetings, therapies, and phone calls from schools when “oops” happens. The amount of energy spent on any given day can be pretty high.
Being a multifaceted thinker, I have many projects going on at all times in my business. Between blogs, YouTube, articles for magazines, podcasts, mini-courses, workshops, public speaking, guest speaking, there can be a lot to prepare for. The to-do list can be endless. Working from home is very calming for my sensory needs as it is quiet, and my dog is with me, so I get oxytocin and connection by petting her all day. I find that when the kids get home from school, switching back and forth from one kid’s questions to the next, getting back to the to-do list, off to make dinner, and ensuring chores and homework are done can be a bit like playing wide receiver on a professional football team. I know where I want to go, but there is a lot on the way to get there.
I remember the days when yelling was a daily event, which caused tension in the house. This meant the kids’ behavior was heightened. I would end up feeling terrible and wanting to go hide in my room and watch TV or get back to work as it felt more constructive. While I got time with the kids, I still felt like I was coming up short and feeling guilty as a mom. Having the added layer of various neurodiversity in my kids, I also constantly had in the back of my head, “Am I doing the right thing?” Between my four kids, we have autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dysgraphia, OCD, anxiety, depression, and Marfan syndrome. With doctors, therapists, teachers, school staff, and childcare staff, a lot of advice and suggestions were thrown out. As a single mom, it was my job to wade through the information and decide what was best for which kid and why, as all the kids have different personalities and needs. A daily question was, “Am I a good mom?” and “am I doing the right thing?”
I tell you all this to explain that I am my own first client. I knew something had to change. With 27 years of personal development experience and several coaching certificates, I knew I had the skills. What I noticed is, the coaches I followed and worked with were all neurotypical. I was trying desperately to fit a mold I was not designed for. I found I was exerting a lot of energy trying to be a ‘normal business owner and mom.’ I was trying to do all the techniques that I was being taught, and trust me, it helped a ton. However, no one quite understood the challenges I faced. I decided to break out of this endless cycle. I wanted to be able to take my company to the next level, and I wanted to spend quality time enjoying my kids’ company. I then spent a lot of time deconstructing the stories I had about myself. Taking away the rules gave me the freedom to create a method that worked with my and my family’s neurodiversity. This gave me the ability to redesign my tools to fit me and yet be adaptable and tangible for my clients.
For the purposes of this article, I will not share all my tools as that would turn into a book. However, I will give you actionable steps to conserve your energy and get to feeling better. The most important thing I have learned is to give myself grace and love myself daily. When I am in a place of beating myself up or feeling guilty, everything is harder. That may sound easy, right? Yet, it is consistently the hardest thing I, myself, along with my clients, have ever done. It takes practice daily.
Another thing that is crucial is self-care. I take self-care a step further. It is more than bubble baths and a glass of wine. It is listening to my body. If I feel a level of fatigue coming on, I will take the afternoon or the day off. It is so important to not allow my body to get to burnout. With my clients, we work to find their personal rhythm as everyone’s is different in the neurodiverse community. I have worked to instill a daily routine for me to process my feelings throughout the day, as this is kind of like releasing the steam from a pressure cooker. Holding onto emotions all day takes a ton of energy. Every night, I journal. This one was hard for me as I really didn’t like to write. Once I got into the habit, I look forward to it every night. These are some of my many self-care actions I teach my clients and practice myself.
One of the things I worked on when I deconstructed was “am I a good Mom?”. When I took that and asked myself “what is a good Mom?” I realized I was holding myself up to standards that were not attainable. Not to mention a lot of what I was telling myself was a ‘good mom’ were neurotypical traits. I took myself through a process of finding my values, morals, and priorities, which I have adapted as my code. As I go through the day with my kids and I find that anxiety, sensory needs, or anything else is in the way, I check in with my code. That is my guide to help me show up for my kids. I also went through my house and got rid of all the clutter. I found that this makes it easier for me and the kids to keep the house clean. I have taught my kids each a few different dinner recipes, and they now have a whiteboard with chores and days of dinner they go by. As neurodivergent people, it does not change. This helps everyone know what to expect. It adds a layer of safety and stability to our home.
Doing these things has lifted a lot of the weight off. I am able to conserve energy to be able to handle the more challenging tasks. The to-do list is never ending. The therapies are not going away or slowing down until kids are out of the house, so for now, the best thing I can do for myself, my business, and my kids is conserve energy in a way that makes sense. These are just a few ways; I have a whole process I teach to conserve energy, feel unapologetically empowered, authentic, and successful. I am happy to serve anyone who wants to relieve the pressure and feel good.
About the auther, Theresa Minnoch:
Hello Friends,
I am Owner and CEO of The Neurodiverse Life Coach, and a widow with four Neurodivergent children. Throughout my life, I’ve grappled with being “different”, diagnosed with dyslexia at a young age and later discovering I’m also gifted, have ADHD, and CPSTD. This mismatch between what I felt inside and what I was told about myself led to self-doubt and a constant feeling of inadequacy. I pushed myself to succeed, masking my struggles until I couldn’t hide them anymore. It took years, but I eventually embraced my neurodiversity, discarded limiting beliefs, and leaned into my strengths. Now, as a Widow, Coach, and CEO, I help others navigate their neurodivergent journeys, offering support in business, and family. I have a podcast called “The NeuroTribe” A YouTube Channel called https://youtube.com/@theneurodiverselifecoach “The Neurodiverse Life Coach”. I have written a few mini courses you can view on www.theresaminnoch.com As well as hold regular workshops; including Burnout; How to avoid, Imposter Syndrome; How to stop comparing, Perfectionism:How to let go, Analysis Paralysis; How to get unstuck. I wrote a business program for Neurodivergent individuals who want to succeed and maintain a life with less stress and authentic confidence. I am currently working on a book for Neurodivergent working parents. Feel free to follow me to find out when it drops.